Hi readers! I’m submitting the article below for a contest I found on the website http://lysaterkeurst.blogspot.com/ . Lysa TerKeurst is the author of Christian books–check out her books, website, and blog, especially if you would like to be a published author.
Lysa is also part of an organization called The Proverbs 31 Woman, whose slogan is, “Bringing God’s peace, perspective, and purpose to today’s busy woman.” Check out their inspiring website at www.proverbs31.gospelcom.net
Wish me luck! The winner will be announced on Monday. There are a lot of great entries already; check them out by reading the comments in the “A Chance to get Published” post.
When Your Husband has a Bad Day
Occasionally, your husband will have a bad day–just like we all do! Proverbs 31:12 says of the “ideal” wife, She comforts, encourages, and does him only good. . . (Amplified Bible). Here are suggestions for comforting, encouraging, and doing “only good” when your husband has a bad day.
If you’re like many women, you’re probably bursting to tell your husband everything that happened to you that day, the moment he walks in the door. If you sense (or know) that he’s had a bad day, resist this! Put aside your own needs and feelings–for now–and nurture your husband.
If your husband wants to talk about his day, simply listen. Don’t offer advice, or try to interpret or analyze what’s going on, just listen.
If he doesn’t want to talk, don’t press for details or try to get him to “share his feelings” with you. Many men prefer to keep their feelings to themselves, as opposed to women, who often want to rehash every single detail of what happened. Pushing your husband to talk if he doesn’t want to will probably make him more agitated. In this case, give him his space!
He might tell you about it later . . . but he might not. Whether he eventually tells you about it or not, he will probably be in a better mood after some time alone.
Some men appreciate physical contact–a hug, shoulder rub, or kiss–when they’re having a bad day, and some don’t. If you sense your husband would be comforted by your touch, touch him! You’ll be able to tell by his reaction if it’s the right thing to do. If you want, simply ask him, “Would you like a hug?” If he doesn’t, don’t take it personally!
To prevent problems in the future, talk with your husband (when he’s not having a bad day!) about what you can do to help him when he does have a bad day. Make an agreement that you will both tell the other person if either of you need some “alone time,” and the other person will not be offended or upset by that need.
If your husband is having a string of bad days, (due to problems at work or conflicts with extended family members), your support is very important. You can do a lot “behind the scenes” to make his time at home as pleasant and relaxing as possible, to help him work through this hard time.
Pray for him. Pray for guidance to what you can do to help and support him. Plan his favorite meals. Give him a funny card. Leave a note in his briefcase or pants pocket. Assure him repeatedly of your concern, support, love, and commitment to be with him.
Plan an evening out with him–even if you have to “kidnap” him!–and even if you just go to the park for a fast-food picnic and walk. Encourage the kids to show lots of love and give him plenty of hugs.
Your husband might not notice all of the little things you do, but he will feel the overall love and support you are offering.
If your husband shows signs of depression, like a dramatic change in eating or sleeping habits, big weight gain or loss, loss of interest in hobbies, sex, or things he previously enjoyed, and/or says things like, “I feel so sad/depressed/down/hopeless,” suggest he talk with his pastor or a counselor or therapist for help in getting through this time.
These suggestions do not mean you should care for your husband to the extent of ignoring all of your needs! But by supporting your husband in his time of need, you’ll make it easier for him to get back to his usual self and caring for you and your children.
This article is adapted from “Home is Where the Mom Is; A Christian Mom’s Guide to Caring for Herself, Her Family, and Her Home,” by Shelly Burke, RN. You can read more excerpts, and excerpts from Shelly’s other books, go to www.shellyburke.net.