Thanks to everyone who has left comments on my blog! I love to hear from you and enjoy reading the comments.

Several people have e-mailed me, wondering why their comment doesn’t show up on the blog immediately after they submit it.

Any comments to this blog come to me, via e-mail, and I have to approve them before they appear on the blog. This is so no spam shows up in the comments. Somehow, the spammers can post comments to a blog. I probably get 20 or more “comments” every week that advertise anything from shoes to home mortgages, to, well, you don’t want to know!

Please, keep the comments coming! I love to hear from you. I check my e-mail every day (often several time!   ) and your comment will usually be posted within 24 hours.  

Hi readers! I’m submitting the article below for a contest I found on the website http://lysaterkeurst.blogspot.com/ . Lysa TerKeurst is the author of Christian books–check out her books, website, and blog, especially if you would like to be a published author.

Lysa is also part of an organization called The Proverbs 31 Woman, whose slogan is, “Bringing God’s peace, perspective, and purpose to today’s busy woman.” Check out their inspiring website at www.proverbs31.gospelcom.net

Wish me luck! The winner will be announced on Monday. There are a lot of great entries already; check them out by reading the comments in the “A Chance to get Published” post.

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When Your Husband has a Bad Day

Occasionally, your husband will have a bad day–just like we all do! Proverbs 31:12 says of the “ideal” wife, She comforts, encourages, and does him only good. . . (Amplified Bible). Here are suggestions for comforting, encouraging, and doing “only good” when your husband has a bad day. 

If you’re like many women, you’re probably bursting to tell your husband everything that happened to you that day, the moment he walks in the door. If you sense (or know) that he’s had a bad day, resist this! Put aside your own needs and feelings–for now–and nurture your husband.

If your husband wants to talk about his day, simply listen. Don’t offer advice, or try to interpret or analyze what’s going on, just listen. 

If he doesn’t want to talk, don’t press for details or try to get him to “share his feelings” with you. Many men prefer to keep their feelings to themselves, as opposed to women, who often want to rehash every single detail of what happened. Pushing your husband to talk if he doesn’t want to will probably make him more agitated. In this case, give him his space!

He might tell you about it later . . . but he might not. Whether he eventually tells you about it or not, he will probably be in a better mood after some time alone.

Some men appreciate physical contact–a hug, shoulder rub, or kiss–when they’re having a bad day, and some don’t. If you sense your husband would be comforted by your touch, touch him! You’ll be able to tell by his reaction if it’s the right thing to do. If you want, simply ask him, “Would you like a hug?”  If he doesn’t, don’t take it personally!

To prevent problems in the future, talk with your husband (when he’s not having a bad day!) about what you can do to help him when he does have a bad day. Make an agreement that you will both tell the other person if either of you need some “alone time,” and the other person will not be offended or upset by that need.

If your husband is having a string of bad days, (due to problems at work or conflicts with extended family members), your support is very important. You can do a lot “behind the scenes” to make his time at home as pleasant and relaxing as possible, to help him work through this hard time.

Pray for him. Pray for guidance to what you can do to help and support him. Plan his favorite meals. Give him a funny card. Leave a note in his briefcase or pants pocket. Assure him repeatedly of your concern, support, love, and commitment to be with him.

Plan an evening out with him–even if you have to “kidnap” him!–and even if you just go to the park for a fast-food picnic and walk. Encourage the kids to show lots of love and give him plenty of hugs.

Your husband might not notice all of the little things you do, but he will feel the overall love and support you are offering.

If your husband shows signs of depression, like a dramatic change in eating or sleeping habits, big weight gain or loss, loss of interest in hobbies, sex, or things he previously enjoyed, and/or says things like, “I feel so sad/depressed/down/hopeless,” suggest he talk with his pastor or a counselor or therapist for help in getting through this time. 

These suggestions do not mean you should care for your husband to the extent of ignoring all of your needs! But by supporting your husband in his time of need, you’ll make it easier for him to get back to his usual self and caring for you and your children.  

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This article is adapted from “Home is Where the Mom Is; A Christian Mom’s Guide to Caring for Herself, Her Family, and Her Home,” by Shelly Burke, RN. You can read more excerpts, and excerpts from Shelly’s other books, go to www.shellyburke.net.

In my last post I relayed how I wasn’t feeling very motivated to do anything! That feeling continued, and I guess I kind of used it as an excuse not to do anything. I kept thinking that I’d feel like getting back into the swing of things “tomorrow.”

Yesterday two things caught my attention. For part of my Bible Study this year I’m reading the chapter of Proverbs that corresponds to the date. Yesterday, therefore, I read Prov. 14. Verse 23 says, “In all labor there is profit, but idle talk leads only to poverty.” (Amplified version). I began to realize that I was only TALKING about getting something done . . . and if I wanted to profit (I certainly do not want poverty!) I need to do some “labor.”

I get an inspiring quote from www.leadershipology.com every day. Yesterday that quote was from Keith Craft, and said,

Keep doing what you know to do, even when it doesn’t seem to be paying off.

The Bible verse and quote did not magically inspire me to spring into action . . . but they DID show me that no matter how I “feel,” I need to do what I know to do, and not just wait for inspiration and motivation. So yesterday I started making my to-do list (which I’ve been adding to all day!), and today I’ve been working hard to cross off quite a few things from the list!

My motivation today was checking my e-mail periodically, and it was fun to “talk” to several friends throughout the day. I have a few more things to get done this evening, and I have a basic plan of what I’m going to get done the rest of the week. I feel like I’m getting on track!

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Morgan and Tim are now in Denver, Colorado, at the National Western Stock Show. This is a huge livestock show–last year almost 650,000 people attended! Morgan will show cattle and sheep. Cody will show cattle. Tim will display and sell bulls and other cattle and talk with a lot of people. He gets to see friends he sees infrequently, and is always meeting new people. I’m amazed at his ability to remember people’s names. He’s a great “PR” guy.  It’s a huge event in our year! Check out the activities at www.nationalwestern.com

I am feeling out of sorts today . . . actually I have felt that way since Christmas. I think there were so many things to do to prepare for the holiday, speaking events, and so on, that I was very focused and organized. Once the holiday was over, I was a bit lost!

Yes, my to-do list was and still is plenty long . . . I think it’s the lack of a deadline that has to do with my lack of ambition!

My sister had surgery on Wed. Nothing serious, but surgery nonetheless. I was very glad I could go and stay with her at the hospital and take her home the next day (her husband had to work and he took care of their little girl–my adorable niece!). Anyway, thankfully, she was in very little pain from the surgery itself (although a disk problem in her back gives her severe leg pain).

Since she was feeling pretty good, we actually had fun at the hospital that evening, just talking and watching TV. Since she works full-time and I do part-time, and we both have families to care for, it seems we never get enough time talking on the phone to completely catch up . . . and we sure didn’t run out of things to say while she was in the hospital!  

It was snowing the next day when I took her home (bringing back memories of our ill-fated Thanksgiving trip!) but the roads weren’t bad. I got to pick up my niece at school–she’s in kindergarten–and that brought back great memories of picking up my own kids at school when they were younger (and ran to me for a big hug, even in front of their friends).

 Skip ahead here . . . Tim and Morgan are headed to Denver to the National Western Stock Show, tomorrow, and I need to fold clothes and help them pack. They’ll be gone for two weeks! More details to follow . . .

Practice makes perfect, so I’m going to try picture-posting again . . . this is a picture of one of our beautiful Nebraska sunrises . . . who can doubt the presence of a God who gives us this beauty? The sunrises are different every day, and change minute by minute . . .

HMMMM . . . I didn’t do it like I did last time, but got it done somehow!

Look! I did it! I accomplished my goal of learning to post pictures on my blog! (well, I’ve only done it once . . . but that’s one more time than I’ve ever posted a picture on my blog before!)

This is the Burke Family Christmas Picture, 2007. It was taken on Christmas Day (evening, really), just before we went to bed. We had actually said our “good-nights” when someone (probably the photo freak of the family, me) said, “We didn’t get a picture yet!” and insisted we get a picture.

First I took pictures of Tim and the kids (and dogs and cats), but I wanted to make it a true family picture and be in the picture too! With a bit of begging everyone agreed to wait while I found the instruction book so I could figure out how to use the timer. A little bit more begging while I read the directions and got the camera set (OK, I’ll admit it, Cody had to help me!), and finally took two true family pictures . . . and here is the result–a picture nicer than most of the ones we’ve taken with lots of planning and posing.

I laughed yesterday reading my friend Rox’s blog (you can check it out at www.randomthoughts-rox.blogspot.com); she said despite her efforts to get “the perfect picture,” she couldn’t . . . her family took silly pictures instead. She decided that the silly pictures were representative of her family having fun together and would use one of them.  

Two families, two approaches to the family Christmas picture . . . and “mission accomplished” in both cases. After all, the idea of a photograph is to capture good memories–why stress out getting those memories?  

I have a goal (which I’ve met! ) to make and accomplish fun goals this year, too! Here are a few:

• learn to make pesto (if I don’t like it, I don’t have to repeat the experiment!)
• make home-made pasta (I have a feeling I’ll like the pre-made just as much, but I want to try it anyway)
• buy something new at the grocery store every time I go–for example, a new brand of seasoning salt, new vegetable, or a product I’ve never purchased before (last week it was frozen, filled tortellini)
• grow fresh herbs (I already have the pots, dirt, and seeds . . . and just need to do it)

(can you tell I’m still on my cooking/reading about cooking kick? I got FOUR books about cooking and chefs for Christmas!)

• learn to post photos on my blog
• try a $25 bottle of wine to see if it’s better than the very inexpensive wine I usually buy (any suggestions from readers?)
• figure out how to get music on my I-pod (I’ll probaby have to get help from my teen-agers!)

I’ll share more goals as I make them!

A goal I’ve already met:

Download ALL the photos on my camera and have them developed!! I picked up the last batch today. It wasn’t as hard as I though, once I got started . . . I developed them through the WalMart website. I have some gorgeous pictures of sunrises and other scenery, and had them enlarged to 5″ x 7″. I picked out black picture frames and will frame my favorite pictures tomorrow. Did mention that “home improvement” is one of our goals for 2008?

As many people do, I’ve made goals for 2008. In early December I received a promotional monthly calendar in the mail, and decided to use it for my goals for 2008. I’ve recorded my goals in the “notes” section in the back of the book, and am writing monthly goals on each month’ page. On the appropriate day(s) I write the steps I completed that day (for example, one of my goals is to do 16 squats and 16 lunges with each leg, 3-5 times a week; I record the days I do that).

Sharing goals with someone makes you accountable and more likely to reach the goal(s), so I’m going to share some of mine with you.  I don’t think January 1st should be the only date to set goals; I’ll be setting goals throughout the year.

My ultimate “writing” goal for the year is to bring in enough money to pay off my loans and cut down my out-of-home work to just one day a week. Some of the smaller goals that will help me reach that goal are:

• put out an email newsletter every week (go to www.shellyburke.net to sign up!)
• make at least 3 blog entries on this blog every week (please let me know if there are any topics you’d like to see covered)
• post on other blogs 10-20 entries/week (my website link will be included with every post; if people like what I have to say or learn something from it, they’ll go to the website to see what else I have to say!

For my spiritual life, I’m going to read the chapter of Proverbs that corresponds with the date. Proverbs is sooo full of practical information, I’m sure I’ll find something in it every day that will apply to my life–if not that day, another! In my quest to read the whole Bible, I’ll read a chapter a day from other books in the Bible, starting with Samuel 1. Every day I journal about what I’ve read, how it applies to my life, something in the reading that strikes me, or a verse I want to remember.

I’m also going to purchase the software so I can update/improve/make changes on my website, myself!

Have you made goals for YOUR business/life? You can start goals any time! In earlier blog entries I outline the steps to writing good goals.

E-mail me YOUR goals for 2008! The first three people to do so will receive a FREE copy of the new goal workbook from Shelmar Publications, Make it Happen! Your Guide to Setting and Reaching Goals that will Change Your Life! available for pre-order now (e-mail shelly@shellyburke.net for details). I may share your goals in a future blog entry, but will NOT use your name, just initials.  

I hope all readers had a wonderful Christmas and Happy New Year! Our family agreed the holidays were the best ever. Not because of gifts or any specific event, but just because we were together! As with any and every family, there is at least the potential for stress between family members for any variety of reasons. Thankfully, the mood was light in our home throughout the holidays and there were no stressful moments.

The weather was cold, but not too frightful . . . the food was great, and most importantly, the company was wonderful!

Tim had throat surgery for his snoring and sleep apnea on Dec. 18th, and he was still having quite a bit of pain over Christmas and Ney Year’s, and didn’t eat much more than mashed potatoes and pasta and a few bites of his favorite, rare prime rib. But the surgery has made a HUGE difference in his sleep and energy level–it’s amazing! He is still having some pain, but seems to be normal for the course.

Morgan had 5 friends for an overnight New Year’s party. They all had a great time and with the exception of the dogs barking at 2:30 AM and waking me up (the girls had decided it was “too hot” in the house so went outside to cool off–the windchill was near zero! At least they wore their coats and boots!) Tim and I slept well. The girls stayed up until 5:30 AM so I think it was a quiet day in several homes (including ours) on Jan. 1st.

Cody went out with friends and stayed overnight with them, so he did a lot of sleeping the next day, too.

All in all, we counted our blessings and are looking forward to 2008.