In the past week, I’ve told you how to make your goals effective. To review, effective goals need to be measurable, realistic, meaningful, and for you! Today I’ll talk about the last characteristic of an effective goal–making it for you. (Read previous posts to find out how to make goals measurable, realistic, and meaningful.)

The final step is to make your goal for YOU! It’s tempting to make goals for other people. For example, have you ever thought, “I want my child to get an ‘A’ in math this quarter. That’s my goal!” or, “I’ll make my husband into a better housekeeper.”? Those are goals for other people.  

The outcomes–your child getting a good grade, and your husband helping more around the house–are very desirable. However, you cannot force someone to get better grades or pitch in with the housework, at least not without a lot of work, nagging, arguing, and so on. It is up to that person to make decisions as to he or she spends his or her time.

However, you CAN make goals for yourself, that will ultimately result in the person meeting a goal that you share (well, your husband might not share your goal to have help with the housework, but if you make sure his rewards are worthwhile, he’ll probably buy into the idea! ) 

To help a child acheive a better grade, you might make one or more of the following goals for yourself; I will provide a quiet place for my child to study. I will quiz my child on his multiplication facts for 10 minutes every evening. I will reward my child for every test grade above 90% (allow your child to help determine what the reward will be), and so on.

If you want your husband to help with the housework, you might take one or more of the following actions. I will tell my husband how much it would help me if he helped with the housework for 15 minutes a day. I will ask my husband if he would take out the trash, put his dishes in the dishwasher, and put his dirty clothes in the clothes baskets–three things that would help me the most, or I will make a list of household tasks and ask my husband to pick three of them that he will do every week.

Remember that people like it when you reward them; I will sincerely thank my husband when he does the things he’s agreed to. I will reward my husband with a backrub when he does the chores he’s agreed to do.

Sometimes we take on goals that are not really our goals, but rather goals someone else has for us (the opposite of what I’ve described in the above paragraphs).  

Maybe your mother’s goal is for you to call her and talk to her for 30 minutes every day, or perhaps your children want your full attention for several hours every evening.

If the goals people have for you are not measurable, realistic, meaningful, and for YOU, you will not be able to meet them. But if you know these goals are very important to the person, and it’s someone who you love, try to change the goal to make it satisfactory to all of you.

 (Do NOT try to adapt someone else’s goals to your life unless the person is important to YOU, and the goal is something you WANT to work for. If an acquaintence has the goal of you driving her to and from work for the next six months, and that is definitely not your goal, you don’t have to try any of the below measures, just say no. A long list of ways to say “NO” can be found on page 27 of What Should I Say? The Right (and Wrong!) Words for Life’s Sticky, Tricky, Uncomfortable Situations, out this summer from Shelmar Publications!)

When someone else has a goal for you, you have several options. If their goal for you is one you will never share, say something like, “I’m sorry, but I’m just not interested in joining the scorpion collecting club. It’s just not my thing. But I’m glad you enjoy it!” Nicely but firmly let the person know you will never share their goal!

If you share the goal in principle, but not in carrying it out the way the person would like, tell the person how you can make that goal realistic for you; “Mom, I love talking to you but just cannot do that every day. How about I promise I will call you every Monday and Thursday and we’ll talk for 30 minutes while I wait for the kids at soccer practice?”

It’s also OK to make a tradeoff. For example, you probably want to spend more time with your kids, but find other obligations eat into that time. Negotiate! “Kids, I want to spend more time with you but have lots of responsibilities around the house. I’ll have an hour to spend with you every evening, and will do so from 7:00-8:00, IF you help me by doing this list of chores.”

What goals have you set for someone else? How can you help the person to reach these goals? What goals do others have for you? How can you make these goals appropriate for you?

Tomorrow I’ll give you a “real life” example of putting these guidelines into practice, as I make goals for pre-publication sales of What Should I Say? The Right (and Wrong!) Words for Life’s Tricky, Sticky, Uncomfortable Situations.

Making your goals  meaningful is a very important part of the goal-making process. If a goal is not meaningful to you, you won’t have motivation to work towards it because it’s not important to you to reach that goal.

Take housekeeping, for example. I do not put a priority on keeping my home spotlessly clean. It would just be frustrating for me to make a goal of having my house clean enough to pass the white glove test (it might pass the grey glove test, however . . . ). A meaningful goal to me, regarding housekeeping, is to have the house clean and picked up enough that if a friend stops over unexpectedly, I’m not embarassed to invite her in.

It’s easy to make a goal that you think you “should” make–eating 8 servings of vegetables every day, for example–but if you really don’t care how many vegetables you eat, you’ll have a hard time working to reach that goal.

Have you made goals, in the past, that you thought you “should” make, but were not truly meaningful to you?  Resolve to only make goals that mean something to you. You’ll be much more likely to reach them, and enjoy the process of doing so.

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I was thrilled to receive the galley of my book, via e-mail, today! A galley is an uncorrected proof of a book–how the pages and chapters are set up, and how it will look. It’s not in final form; it’s printed out on regular size paper, while the book will be 9″ x 6″. And the pages I printed out are not printed on the front and the back, like the actual book will be.

But it was really neat to see how the publishing company set the book up!  Within the next day or two I have to read through it and make sure nothing was left out, there aren’t any misspellings, etc.

I have to admit–I’m a little nervous about my book coming out. Doubts run through my mind; Is it good enough? Will anyone want to read it? Should I have written it in the first place? When these thoughts enter my mind, I remember the prayer and consideration that went into every step of the process. I know God was my guide, and it’s His will that I wrote it.

That does not mean I won’t have to work very hard to promote, publicize, and sell the book . . . but it does mean I’m doing His will and will pray that I continue to do so.

In my next post I’ll give you more information about the publication date, as well as tell you how YOU can take advantage of a great pre-publication price for What Should I Say? The Right (and Wrong!) Words for Life’s Sticky, Tricky, and Uncomfortable Situations.

Have you always wanted to write a book? Now is the time to start thinking about making that dream come true!

  

I hope everyone reading this had a good weekend! Our family spent the weekend in Greeley, Colorado, at a cattle show. We all had a great time! I don’t know how to do much with the cattle–besides take pictures!!–so I had a lot of free time. I spent it reading several books about internet promotion and publicity. It was nice to be sitting in the sun in the big park, not having to worry about laundry or cooking or cleaning, like I do at home.

As today is Memorial Day, I thank all of the service men and women, past and present, who are serving our country. God bless all of you and your families!

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And now on to goals . . . as well as being measurable (see the last post), goals must be  realistic.

If you set a goal that is completely out of reach, you’ll be discouraged as you work toward it, and most likely never achieve that goal. Unrealistic goals include: I will lose 25 lbs. by July 15th, or, Starting tomorrow, I will cook 21 low fat, low sugar, high fiber meals every week, or, I will clean every room in our home, including closets, the basement, and the attic, by the end of the week (if that is a realistic goal for you, please come to my home!). If you set goals like these, you’ll probably abandon them within a few days of setting them–their requirements are just too difficult for anyone to meet.

A good goal should, however, be set a bit above what you are currently doing. If it’s not a stretch to work to do it, you’d already be doing it and would not need it as a goal!

More realistic versions of the above goals might be more like; I will lose 8 lbs. by July 15th. I will try three new low fat recipes every week. I will clean my bathroom, including the closet and vanity drawers, this week.

Set goals that are realistic for you. One person might want to spend a lot of time on one or two goals, while another might want to spend less time and energy on several goals. There is no right or wrong in the amount of time or energy or the priority in your life you give a goal. Do what is right for you!

Think back to goals you’ve set in the past, and have not met. Were any of them unrealistic? As you make new goals, make sure they are realistic for you.

In my next post I’ll explain how to make goals that are meaningful to you.

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The goal of my blog is to provide you, the reader, with information to inform, inspire, and encourage you. I look forward to hearing your suggestions or comments, and will answer any questions readers ask.

I hope my last post inspired you to think about some goals you would like to achieve. In the next few posts, I”ll talk about things that make a goal effective, and the steps to setting a goal.

To be effective (meaning you can work towards it) a goal must be . . .  

1. Measurable

2. Realistic

3. Meaningful

4. For YOU!

 MEASURABLE: You must be able to measure a goal so you can work toward it, and so you can see whether or not you’ve met it. If you cannot measure your goal, how can you tell if you’ve met it?

How many times have you made a goal like, “I will exercise more,” or, “I’d like to get to know the Bible better,”  or perhaps, “I should cook healthier meals.” These goals are NOT measurable. How do you measure “more” or “better” or “healthy”? You can’t.

Making your goals measurable usually inculdes using numbers; “I will walk 20 minutes a day, three times a week.” “I will get to know the Bible better by reading one chapter a day, starting with Genesis.” “I will cook meals that contain at least one serving of fruit and one of vegetables.”

Goals don’t always have to contain numbers, as long as you can measure them. For example, a housekeeping-related goal that is measurable would be, “My house will be clean enough that I feel comfortable if my mother-in-law drops by unexpectedly.” Feeling “comfortable” is different for everyone, but you can measure your own personal comfort.

Think of goals you’ve made in the past, that were not measurable. Make them measurable (even if you don’t care if you work towards them). Next week I’ll talk about making your goals realistic, meaningful, and for you!

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On a personal note, I’ve been in more doctors’ offices in the last few weeks than I had been in all last year! Morgan, our 13 year old daughter, hurt her wrist several weeks ago when the heifer she was showing tossed her head, jerking and injuring Morgan’s wrist (which was holding on to the heifer’s halter). This has been our first serious cattle-showing-related injury!

I took her to the Emergency Room on the way home from the show, fearing it was broken. It wasn’t, so we thought she’d begin feeling better in a few days. She did not. She continued to complain of very severe pain.

Morgan has had another set of x-rays and had an MRI yesterday, and we had a consult with an orthopedic doctor this afternoon. The pain in her wrist is much more painful than it was when she actually broke the wrist several years ago. I’ve been worried about permanent nerve or ligament damage. 

The orthopedic doctor was unable to see any injuries on the x-rays or the MRI. He’s sending us to a specialist in Omaha next week. His tentative diagnosis is that there is some sort of nerve damage, possibly RSD–Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy. I’d never heard of this syndrome/disease before, but the doctor said her pain, that is way out of proportion with the injury (especially since no injury showed up on the x-rays or MRI) could suggest this.

When we got home, I searched the internet for “RSD” (the initials of the syndrome; despite being a nurse I could not for the life of me remember what the initials stood for). I was amazed to find many entries for “RSD,” including groups that originated overseas, and support groups and even blogs for people who suffer from RSD.

My point is that six hours ago I had not even heard of RSD, and now I know the basics about it, and have hundreds of pages of information at my fingertips. There are many negative and even dangerous aspects of the internet, but there are many positive aspects as well. This is one of those positive aspects.

I am gung-ho for goals. Setting goals is so important to me that there’s a detailed guide to doing so at the beginning of my book Home is Where the Mom Is, and at the end of every chapter are suggestions for goals for the reader to set. You could say that my goal is to get my readers to set goals!

Our society is very goal- and results-oriented, but in my role as a mom I have very few ways to evaluate my success, or lack thereof. Once in awhile I get a, “That supper was AWESOME, mom!” or, “Um, honey, you don’t need to make THAT recipe again . . . “ and that is a very clear evaluation of my performance in the cooking area. However, ”mom evaluations” are few and far between.

It’s up to us as women and moms to set goals for ourselves. Setting goals gives you something to work toward, and a way to measure your accomplishments and the hard work you do. Whether your goal is to potty train the toddler, plant a garden,  pay off a bill, paint the bedroom, improve your spiritual life, or get in better physical shape, you’ll have a great sense of satisfaction when you set a goal and achieve it.

But how often have you set a goal and abandoned it after a few days or weeks? Everyone I know has had that discouraging experience. In my next posts I will give you guidelines and steps for setting good goals. When you set a goal that is measurable, realistic, and meaningful to you, you’ll have a much better chance of reaching that goal and improving your life in doing so.

Start thinking about some things you’d like to improve in your life–your personal life, something you do around your home, or a dream you’ve always wanted to accomplish. Do NOT think about the reasons you CAN’T reach that goal, and don’t think about the goals you’ve set in the past and not reached. Look ahead–with the right tools and motivation, you WILL reach your goals!  

Encouraging women to take time to take care of themselves is a passion of mine. I think it’s so important that the first three chapters of my book Home is Where the Mom Is covers moms-women-taking care of themselves, spirit, mind, and body.

As women, we have many roles–wife, mother, employee, employeer, child of God, friend, volunteer, teacher, chef, laundress . . . and on and on! If you’re the main caregiver for a sick husband, child, parent, or friend, you add yet another role.

It may seem as though you don’t have one extra minute in the day to take care of yourself, but when you take even just a couple of minutes to do something you enjoy, you’ll be refreshed, relaxed, and more able to cope with the next crisis.

I think it’s important to note that even Jesus took time for himself! The Bible says, several times, that Jesus took time for himself to go off by himself to pray (Matthew 14:23; Mark 1:35). Jesus knew the importance of taking time to Himself, away from others. Shouldn’t we follow His example and take time by ourselves to pray, or do something that helps us relax?

I hope that this weekend you will take some time for yourself, to do something you enjoy. Whether you have just a few minutes or several hours, do something that will truly refresh you.  It’s a beautiful day here in Nebraska . . . a little windy (what’s new?) but warm, so I’m planning to just sit out on the deck and enjoy the day for 15 minutes or so.  

What’s your favorite way to relax? E-mail me, or post a comment, and I’ll share them in future posts.

Yep, Cody and Morgan are out of school for the summer! This year they have mixed feelings about the last day of school; they are going to a different school next year after attending the same one since kindergarten and will miss friends and teachers.

Thanks to technology, they’ll be able to easily keep in touch with friends via e-mail, Instant Messaging, cell phones, and regular phones. I remember when I was a kid, and the only way we had to use to keep in touch was using a regular house phone–with a cord to keep us tethered within hearing range of our parents! (any teenager reading this is now rolling his or her eyes . . . )

I love summer! I love being outside and seeing the brilliant colors–if you have not lived in the country you can’t appreciate how many variations of green there are, on different kinds of trees, flowers, plants, and even weeds. I enjoy the wildlife. This morning on my way to work (at 5:15 AM–yikes!) I saw at least five jackrabbits hopping down the road. I can look out my back window and see at least 100 cows and their new baby calves, running around playing tag like kids. In the evening we’ll occasionally see deer and raccoons drinking water at our pond. 

 As well as the beauty of nature during the summer, I enjoy the more laid back routine. Yes, we still have plenty to do, but we’re on much less of a schedule. And when it’s light out until at least 9:00 in our area of the country, at this time of year, we aren’t so rushed to get everything done before dark, or before the kids’ bedtime.

I like to set summer goals. They’re usually less serious than winter goals, partly because summer is supposed to be fun, and partly because I just have three months to accomplish my “summer” goals, as opposed to “school year” goals, which I try to accomplish in either four months (by the end of the year) or nine months (by the end of the school year).  

One of my goals for the summer is to learn to drive the 4-wheeler. It’s partly a safety issue; I ride out on the 4-wheeler with Tim and the kids to check cattle sometimes, and if they would get hurt and be unable to drive it, I would have to get them home. It’s partly an issue of convenience; I could help check the cattle, or go on little errands around the ranch, much easier if I could drive the 4-wheeler. AND . . . everyone else knows how to drive it except me! Morgan has agreed to be my teacher; she has more patience than the guys.

What are YOUR goals for the summer? They can be serious, or fun. In the next few weeks, I’m going to write posts about the importance of making goals, and give step-by-step advice on how to write good goals–goals you’ll be able to work towards and reach.  There is great satisfaction in defining, working toward, and reaching a goal. Another of my summer goals is to show you how to reach YOUR goals.

I welcome your questions and comments, about my blog entries or anything on my website.   

I’ve been thinking for months about the first post on my blog.

I wanted to make it so outstanding, so amazing, so brilliant, that you’d immediately label it as your very favorite blog of all time. Then reality set in . . . and I realized that if I waited until I had the  perfect first post, it would never happen!  So . . . I’m just going to jump right in and post, “perfect” or not.

The title of my blog is “My Kids, My Computer, and My Country Life; Brain Droppings of a Mom, Wife, and Writer.”  My family says my book titles are too long, but I prefer to think of them as descriptive–and the blog title defines exactly what I plan to blog about–my children and family, my writing, and life in the country.

My husband, Tim, and I have two kids–Cody, who is 15, and Morgan, 13. We’ve enjoyed having two teenagers in the house–really! They both have a great sense of humor and it’s fun to talk with them and see them develop their own point of view on many issues. It’s also very rewarding, as parents, to see them do, or hear them say, something that makes us proud and just shows us that what we’ve been saying over and over (and over and over) really did sink in! I’ll probably write more about them in subsequent posts, but I think I’ve avoided embarassing them in this one, so will quit while I’m ahead.

We live in the country in central Nebraska, and I absolutely love country life, as do Tim and the kids. We especially appreciate it after living in town for many years; about two years ago we moved to the ranch that has been in Tim’s family for almost 100 years.  I like to say we have a place “on the water”–there’s a nice pond about 200 yards away! Tim raises show cattle, which the kids show almost every weekend between January and September, around Nebraska and neighboring states (more about cattle shows in future posts, I’m sure!).

So that covers “kids” and “country life;” now on to the “computer,” which symbolizes my writing life. I’ve wanted to be a writer since I was a little girl. I remember writing ‘manuscripts’ in wide-ruled notebooks, many years ago. At that time I envisioned having the great American novel, but turns out my skills (at least for now) are in non-fiction. You can read about all of my books on my website. Let me just say that I love to write, and feel that God has blessed me with the gift of being able to write. My greatest desire is to write books that help, encourage, and inspire people. On May 3 of this year I submitted my latest book to the printer, and am anxiously awaiting its publication, about July 1 of this year! I have several ideas for future books, and plan to start on one of them this summer.  

That’s an overview of me and my life . . . if you have any questions for me, please post them in the comments or e-mail me. My goal for this blog is to use it to inform, inspire, and encourage readers, so please, tell me what you want to read about! I love to encourage moms and writers, and help people to define their dreams and set goals to reach those dreams. I believe everyone has a mission in this life–some of us do “big,” public things, that get a lot of notice, and some of us do what we see as “small” things, getting little or no public recognition. But whenever we encourage someone, or make their day just a little bit brighter, what we have done, to that person, is a ”big” thing!